Frequently asked questions about family mediation
Is mediation counseling?
No, mediation is not counseling. Mediation focuses on negotiating a fair settlement between the parties on specific issues that they have raised. A mediator is a neutral party that assists the parties in collaboratively resolving their issues.
If the point of the mediation is to reduce conflict, why do you recommend that I see a lawyer?
We always encourage both parties to speak with a lawyer and seek independent legal advice. A lawyer will be able to tell you what are your rights and what are your responsibilities within the law. Once you have that information you are empowered to negotiate within the parameters of the law and know what you are entitled to and what your responsibilities are.
What’s the difference between an “intake session” and “joint mediation sessions”?
The intake session is an individual session with each party. The purpose of the intake is to help the mediator to learn more about what brings you to mediation and ask you questions that will help inform and design a process that best suits the needs of your family.
In joint mediation sessions, the parties come together in the same room (zoom room) with the mediator to discuss the issues they flagged during the intake session. The parties will decide together which issues they want to discuss first and with the help of the mediator, they work through each issue and collaboratively coming up with solutions for each issue.
Will you discuss anything I say with anyone else?
No, everything discussed in mediation is confidential except for very specific circumstances. These include harm to self, harm to someone else, or a child in danger. In these situations, the mediator is obligated by law to inform the appropriate authorities. Other than these emergencies, everything that you discuss with your mediator will remain between the two of you and will not be divulged to anyone else without your specific consent.
What if I need to take a break or even end the mediation?
You can always take a break if you need to, in fact sometimes taking a break to cool off is a very smart and strategic move that can help your negotiation process. You can also end the mediation at any point that you wish since mediation is a completely voluntary process. In mediation, you are in charge and nothing will proceed without your consent.
What happens at the end of each session? What happens at the end of the mediation process?
At the end of each mediation session, your mediator will write a brief mediation report of what you discussed in the mediation and what agreements were made.
At the end of the mediation process, your mediator will compile all your agreements in what is called a “Mediation Report”. Your Mediation Report will include the details of all the agreements you made. You are encouraged to then take your Mediation Report to your lawyer and have them examine it.
I always thoughts fair agreements are made in court by a judge, do people really reach a fair agreement in mediation?
Yes, absolutely! Not only do people reach fair agreements in mediation but research has shown that agreements where both individuals were able to contribute to the process of decision-making and felt heard and understood in the process, are much more likely to remain intact as opposed to agreements that were imposed on the parties by the court. In mediation, parties can reach fair agreements between themselves and come together to architect the future of their family. Their collaborative work starts a new chapter of working together.
Should I bring anything with me to the mediation session? How should I prepare for a mediation session?
Mediation Preparation check-list
Make sure you’ve seen a lawyer and know your rights and your responsibilities.
Know what you want to talk about, and think why are you asking for the things you are asking? (i.e. why is it important to you for the children to spend a particular holiday with you?)
Consider what your partner might want and why might they be asking for what they are asking? Try to make generous assumptions in your reasoning.
Consider your BATNA – Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement: what happens if negotiations fail? And what do you think about that alternative? Are there other alternatives that you can think of?
Depending on the issues that you want to resolve, your mediator will tell you in advance if you need to bring specific forms about those issues such as those for Full Financial Disclosure.
For zoom mediation sessions: make sure you are in a safe and comfortable place where you can freely discuss your issues without interruptions. Make sure you are well-rested and have food and nourishment before your mediation session.
